S.O.M.Life III

Hey there, 2006 ! looks like its gonna be a metal year. hmm.
THANK U ROHAN I OWE MY LIFE TO YOU MMMMMWAH!


I. CHOP SUEY - SYSTEM OF A DOWN
II. Deathbox - Mnemic
III. Liberate - Disturbed
IV. Sinner - Drowning Pool
V. The fight song - Marilyn Manson
VI. Only for the weak - In Flames
VII. Downfall - TRUST Company
VIII. Just like you - Three days grace
IX. Sonne - Rammstein
X. How can i live - Ill Nino
XI. Hallowed be the name - Cradle of Filth
XII. Vermilion - Slipknot
XIII. Gasoline - Seether
XIV. Push it - StaticX
XV. Dig - Mudvayne
XVI. Click click boom - Saliva
XVII. Walk - Pantera

MOSSSSSSSSH

S.O.M.Life Part II

AAAAAND im staying in Bangalore =)
haha, in the process of goodbyes and all, some of my guy pals came clean abt how they actually feel about me, and now they're kicking themselves! good ego boost for me though so im not complaining *grins*


I. Killing in the name – Rage Against The Machine
II. Firestarter – Prodigy
III. Stop crying your heart out – Oasis
IV. Feel – Robbie Williams
V. ln loving memory – Alterbridge
VI. The Best Of You – Foo Fighters
VII. Endless Heart – H.I.M [His Infernal Majesty]
VIII. Everybodys Changing – Keane
IX. Love Song – The Cure
X. What Comes Around – Ill Nino
XI. Anarchy – KMFDM
XII. Empty Fair – Marjorie Fair
XIII.Carpe Diem Baby – Metallica
XIV. Jamie's Cryin – Van Halen
XV. Save Me – Unwritten Law
XVI. Driftwood – Travis
XVII. Interstate Love Song – Stone Temple Pilots
XVIII. Sleepless – Cradle Of Filth
XIX. Caught In The Sun – Course Of Nature
XX. Art is Hard – Cursive
XXI. Photobooth – Death Cab For Cutie
XXII. Metal Heart – Dimmu Borgir
XXIII. Behind Blue Eyes – The Who
XXIV. Turn Your Car Around – Lee Ryan
XXV. Twisted Transistor – Korn

Account

i wanna see the part of u
that hides beneath that skin
i wanna see the part of u
that doesnt call my name

the beautys going away away
its slippin its sliding
its always arriving its always departing

ur standing in the rain, in the rain
im changing my passowrd
i dont know u anymore

its a promotion of infection
u contacted the wrong support
leanin against the wall, the wall
u lean but u fall

the beautys going away away
its slippin it sliding
its always arriving its always departing

your arm is around my waist
two bodies warm , we kiss and i get a taste
list the events
list the events
list the events
now account for it

the beautys going away away
its slippin its sliding
its always arriving its always departing

the beautys gone away
the beautys gone away
the beautys gone away
and shes not coming back . . .

Borderline Personality Disorder

An avid psychology fan, I'm often found scrounging around dusty bookshelves looking for books on "decoding the mind and human psyche" in book stores you wouldnt have even heard of, even if you lived your entire life in Bengaluru *coughs out blood at the mention of the name*
Most of us teens have these crazy "coupla years" apparently, where everything seems mucked up and confusing. we outgrow them, they become subdued, and thats the end of it.... or is it?
Honestly, i think we all have something messed up with us. Maybe it isnt even "messed up" as the world today percieves the word. Think of it as an idiosyncracy - a trait - a differentiating factor. Better now huh? Well, face it. All of us have atleast one thing thats tweaked a bit too much, or a bit too less. Thats just what makes you YOU. Thats what governs your actions. Thats why you like chocolate more than strawberry.
Surpressing that stuff seems to be the best answer. But what about those of us who are too nosey for our own good? Ignorance is bliss.. Hmm..
Check this out..


Quite frequently people with BPD have a very hard time controlling their emotions. They may feel ruled by them. One researcher (Marsha Linehan) said, "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement."

1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours.

2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable.

Traits involving behavior:
3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once

4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior.

Traits involving identity
5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values. People with BPD may not feel like they know who they are, or what they think, or what their opinions are, or what religion they should be. Instead, they may try to be what they think other people want them to be. Someone with BPD said, "I have a hard time figuring out my personality. I tend to be whomever I'm with."

6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. Someone with BPD said, "I remember describing the feeling of having a deep hole in my stomach. An emptiness that I didn't know how to fill. My therapist told me that was from almost a "lack of a life". The more things you get into your life, the more relationships you get involved in, all of that fills that hole. As a borderline, I had no life. There were times when I couldn't stay in the same room with other people. It almost felt like what I think a panic attack would feel like."

Traits involving relationships
7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting (see below).

8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

* Splitting: the self and others are viewed as "all good" or "all bad." Someone with BPD said, "One day I would think my doctor was the best and I loved her, but if she challenged me in any way I hated her. There was no middle ground as in like. In my world, people were either the best or the worst. I couldn't understand the concept of middle ground."
* Alternating clinging and distancing behaviors (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me). Sometimes you want to be close to someone. But when you get close it feels TOO close and you feel like you have to get some space. This happens often.
* Great difficulty trusting people and themselves. Early trust may have been shattered by people who were close to you.
* Sensitivity to criticism or rejection.
* Feeling of "needing" someone else to survive
* Heavy need for affection and reassurance
* Some people with BPD may have an unusually high degree of interpersonal sensitivity, insight and empathy

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

This means feeling "out of it," or not being able to remember what you said or did. This mostly happens in times of severe stress.


THATS ALL ME. yay.
*dies*

Rats Nest

"Youre killing me" --- "Youre weak" --- "YOU"
Me. All me.
Me. Fighting back tears.
Me. Rocking back and forth.
Me. Screaming internally.
Me. The one in the wrong.
Im scarred. Close to crippled. Words greased with poison and laced with salt are thrown in my direction.
Running, my brain shuts down.
My ground is black. There is no ground.
Suddenly i feel plastered onto a dark wall.
A haunting, beautiful music starts to play.
Deadly. Makes you want to moan. Almost erotic.
My saving grace appaears. Sharp and gleaming, I hold it to my face and feel the cold reality of the physical realm.
It slides down my already cut up exterior down to my arm.
And more marks. Oh well.
Apparently im nothing. But im killing you.
Imagine my power if i were something.
Like the chorus to a song that catapults you into a place where you float.
So sadistic, so sadistic.
I let out another moan.
The grids appear, invading the vision inside my head. Its about time.
My eyes are thrown open and I sit up straight.
Your elbow pressed into my spinal cord, its such a sweet revelation.
A green pen against green paper.
When I think about you im blank.
16 years. I need an escape, no more empty highs.
Travelled to the edge and back while others occasionally threw a glance.
Pencil sharpenings.
Frayed. Wired.
Help if you can.
Try and understand I love you, precious.
Woven together, your stitched opened, but mine are still strong.
Clutching on.
Running in circles.
Carrying that extra weight.
What a drama queen.
Want to close my jaw so hard that my teeth break eachother off.
Against a white background, kneeling, my mouth gaping open.
And I Will bleed.
Sway in torture.
Feel so alive.
Breathe through my nerve openings.
Am I getting through to you?
Not the brain spark that just connected you to me.
Im going to surrender myself to the remedy unkown.
Throw me into the sun, let my hair fly, escaping the bats trying to pull me back with that sickly evil tune.
Dizzy.
Numbing.
My reflexes dont work.
I feel no pain.
Just occupying space.
A vegetable.
But I choose to live. Or do I?
Im here now. Duration: 2 hours.
The ant I was staring at walked onto my tongue.
Wipe the spotted surface clean.
No answers for my moods.
No flag for my country.
No identity.
Im simply a being.
Not contaminated by the masses who are waiting with torches and balls of ash, but smothered by it.
I withered away a long time ago.
Regenerated, taking a piece of you with me, and locking it in my heel - I walk on you.
Im above you,
Feel trampled? Squashed?
Thats desperation.
Let me out you say.
I liquify and so do you.
Then maybe you'll see we're the same.

Juaddev

"Im SO sorry im late!" I said to my two best girlfriends [think what you want] as i ran up the stairs in Cafe Coffee day, MG Road.
"its ok babe, you're a girl, in its your blood!" said Jules while Aditi grinned at me.
"heh" I sat down next to them and looked at the empty cold coffee glass.
"Broke again huh?"
"As usual! So whats up? Hows ***** doing?" Aditi nuged me playfully and Jules went "Oooooh!"
"Guys! Quit it! I told you.. i'm not getting into anything.."
"Right" "We believe you" "Sure" "Who are you again? Definitely not Devika"
"BAH!! Fine, You'll see - - " I was cut off.
"Err, excuse me girls.. can i have a moment?"
The 3 of us looked at the guy and girl duo that approached us. They looked 30ish. I blinked blankly. A guy hitting on us with his girlfriend right behind him? Na, cant be.
"Uhh yeah.. whats up?" asked Ju
"We're from Limelite studios.. And we're looking for some fresh faces for an upcoming add - you seem to fit the part pretty well - but girls with long hair fit our needs better".
That meant MOI. Their eyes locked onto me.
"Yeah, She's Devika, she's beautiful!" "And shes got gorgeous hair!"
I kicked my friends under the table.
"Yeah, great!" The guy smiles "Theres an audition right now! You can come with us in our car"
"errr... actually music is more my - -"
My turn to get kicked. "Lead the way!"
The strangers started to walk away and i glared at Ati and Ju
"WHAT WAS THAT??! ME?? Modelling?? Hahah! That'll be the day"
I snorted as I flicked off a bit of mudd from my red converse all stars
"Girl it'll be fun, now lets go!"
Before i knew it, we were travelling in a car with 2 absolute strangers who couldve been psychopaths for all I know, and were whisked off to their branch in Vittal Mallya road.
And jules tells me smoking is dangerous.
We entered the room and i wasnt surprised when the other 6 foot tall chicks in heels and halter tops gave me strange looks. I looked down at my black singlet and red scottish skirt and groaned. I left with his contact card saying i'll call him - walking down the stairs to my friends, i smiled inside.
"HAHAHAHA" Reaching brigade road, we were laughing so hysterically that we were collapsing on eachother.
"i cant believe that just happened! oh my god! haha!" i choked out
"Its like everytime we meet something crazy happens" smiles Aditi
"CHARLIES ANGELS UH HUH! OR wait, *****'s angels cmon! eh Debou?"
"SHUT UP JU! "
We were attracting a lot of attention from ppl thanks to us yelling on the top of our voices [as we always do] and we didn't care. making our way to jewellers street to a piercing store we started chatting about the stuff thats happened to us in the past.
"guys.. do you remember the time when we went to that pub.. and we saw that dude with the flashing red belt.. it had his name on it.. and he was doing those horrid pelvic thrusts - and suddenly the lights went off and the only thing we could see was AZEEZ flashing in red and we screamed out his name?? haha" Jules said
"oh my god yeah - but what about when Devika saw that hot guy and followed him around MG Road for an hour??" Replied Aditi
"yeah but he finally asked me out na?"
"and what did u say?"
"No.. as usual" I grinned
"bum.. haha.. but it was more fun when she was drunk outside 13th floor and yelled SEXY SHIT at that punk who was in Barista! idiot only"
"hey - i love boys! and yeah, im gutsy" i winked. "speaking of which.. check him out.."
"here we go again" sighed Aditi


***** = my, well... not crush... but.. someone.. i mean, hes interesting.. i.. god.. lol.. hes more than just another boi to flirt with.. hes different. mmwah to you :)

Favourite Quote

To meditate is to purge the mind of its self-centered activity. And if you have come this far in meditation, you will find there is silence, a total emptiness. The mind is uncontaminated by society; it is no longer subject to any influence, to the pressure of any desire. It is completely alone, and being alone, untouched, it is innocent. Therefore there is a possibility for that which is timeless, eternal, to come into being.

J. Krishnamurti

Wher'd Ya Ged Dem Peepers?

Okay so im sitting here waiting for my bandmates to reach my house, and its 5 pm. That means they are 2 WHOLE HOURS LATE ! bah! so much for punctuality. Anyway, i might as well put up some artwork of mine. <3 Photoshop :D Weee


thankyou, Solarize! love that feature!

gotta love that button on adobe eh?

these are all photos taken by my MotoRazr so bear wit the quality

i couldnt resist :D hes my lil jazzy moo!

The Soundtrack Of my Life

I. Passive – A Perfect Circle
II. Needles and Pins – Deftones
III. Heart Shaped Box – Nirvana
IV. The Reasons – Nickel Creek
V. Carousel – Linkin Park
VI. I Do Not Want This – Nine Inch Nails
VII. The Truth – Limp Bizkit
VIII. Dare You to Move – Switchfoot
IX. Creep - Radiohead
X. I Hate Myself For Loving You – Joan Jett
XI. Iris – Goo Goo Dolls
XII. Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
XIII. I Alone – Live
XIV. Perfect Water – Blue Oyster Cult
XV. Suddenly Tragic – cKy
XVI. The Nobodies – Marilyn Manson
XVII. I Don’t Want To Be – Gavin DeGraw
XVIII. Drive – Incubus
XIX. Apocalypse Please – Muse
XX. Its Been Awhile – Staind
XXI. The Bitter End – Sum41
XXII. Dakota – Stereophonics
XXIII. Ever – Team Sleep
XXIV. Crystal Baller – Third Eye Blind
XXV. LSF – Kasabian

It'll change in a week. Sigh.

To Cite And Identify

Is it just me or is this blog getting too dicatator-ish...? Crazy as it sounds, im pretty delirious most of the time... School’s been a bitch though... [Not to mention the flat board clones that’ve made it suck] *flips the bird* Thanks for nothing girls... and I thought having blonde streaks would make ME the stupid one... Jeez...
The one thing I miss about having a diary is that I can’t remember those little things that people say that really make sense you know... [Or in most cases, completely the opposite] Making mental notes doesn’t work, cuz they dissipate sooner than you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

"Coz you remain beautiful no matter what...knives and razors can never cut your soul" - Ram

and "remember this devika....nothing can hurt u as long as u have your music with u" - Ram. Aw, Bless.

“I wanna come as Marilyn Monroe for Halloween! Weeeee!” – Sid

“My toothbrush is possessed!” – Shiv

“I wuv u soo much my punk star pwincess... And SHUSH don’t tell no one I said that... ive got a gangsta rep to live up to!” – Varun

And, “Damn, I dream about Kris all the time” – Varun

“All the small things in my pants” – Anish

“The only reason ppl wana go out is cuz they wanna make out – that’s the truth” – Saad

Yet another, “What if I am destined to change my destiny” – Sid

“Oh that’s a great bargain... NOT” – Amar

“FUCK! Punjabi bball players kick ass!” – Vinay

“You know people hate you when you even stop receiving spam!” – Brian

“The only thing that people will ever know is what u let them see.” – Mal

Can’t believe it’s the same girl but she also said –

“I AM ESSENTIAL FOR EVERYDAY LIFE!! Oh and erm, can I be POW POW?? :D “– Mal

“The age of chivalry is dead, that of calculators and physicist has arrived.” – Harsh

“All she’s ever done is BREAK DOWN THE DAMN SCHOOL!!!” – Reena

“Get out of the auto and bid yourself” - Bharat

“If he’s hot ill give him the correct address, if not, let him walk on by” – Jules

“He looks like Snoopy and it makes me smile...” – Yohan

Ill put up more later... This is all I could get in 3 days... hehe... Ta all!

p.s: im in high spirits not cuz ive consumed spirits but mainly cuz I fancy 3 amazing blokes who seem to be reciprocating just fine *grins evily*